How I Felt When I Left Without My Baby

Moms Edition: A Day to Myself 

by Camille Anne Guan

It has been 4 months since I had my first ever two-day vacation with my friends. By vacation, I mean a little freedom from being a mom. Yes, you heard it right. I am a full-time mom since the day my little man was born. Until then, I breastfed him until he was 9 months old and this two-day off gave me an excuse to choose a good sleep instead of meeting our gorgeous Mr. Sun.

In my memory lane, I am reminiscing that couple of day vacation I had last January. And to tell you the truth, even before having a baby, I was already wishing to have a day to myself—some rest and good sleep. But I guess being a mom won’t let you give that time for yourself. Knowing your baby is away from you, all you can think of is his welfare and then you’re losing some sleep—or maybe a whole lot of sleep in my case.

Honestly, the first time (which was the only time), I was away from my little man made me really anxious. I was worried during the entire trip because my mind was out thinking if my baby was fine. With that, it didn’t help me enjoy much of the vacation than I expect I would. I even thought I will be happier with my friends for a little while. I thought I could breathe a little, but it was worst. I can’t really explain how I felt that time. I was all worried.

It’s funny how, in my mind, I love to have time for myself; be free and enjoy myself alone. But also how sad I was for not having the little man beside me and to share with him all the good experience I had. 

All I want is a vacation—even the shortest of all trips. I want some time off to myself. I just miss my freedom. But it's different now that I have a baby to take care of, spending my travels with him would be better.

Now, here I am, wanting to have a time for myself; imagining a vacation to a beautiful beach, relaxing at the porch of the hotel room, drinking white wine, and taking all that gorgeous sunset all to myself but also worrying that separation anxiety might trigger again.  (By the way, the little man is now one).